Fireside chat with Gigi Engle

(Este post es en inglés)

Hello couples!

We are happy to start this new blog section, called Fireside Chats, with sexologists and sex-positive advocates to discuss about different topics around love, sex and relationships. How does it sound?

For this first Fireside Chat we talked with Gigi Engle, she is a sex and relationships writer, speaker and a feminist activist. She is also co-host of the podcast Dirty Sexy Monogamy!


With Gigi we talked about:

Does living together affect couple’s sexual lives?
How can couples find the balance between routine and sensual moments?
Why do you think that couples end up living together?

Does living together affect couple’s sexual lives? Does seeing the person you love and you live with affect the erotic moments in the relationship?

Gigi: Yes. I wound’t say there are drawbacks to it, I think some people have the misconception that when you move in together, and you are spending all this time together and you see each other in your most disgusting morning breath and disgusting morning hair, that all of this is going to make you a-sexy to your partner, but I think this is kind of the old school advice. If you are really moving with someone that you really love, that’s not going to be an issue and that’s not going to affect to how much your partner want to have sex with you.

In my personal experience, I moved in with my partner in July and we have now more sex than we did before, just because we have unlimited access to each other all the time and we are always together, so we can just do it when ever we feel like it. It feels more natural. Before I was sleeping over his place 3 or 4 nights a week and we would feel almost obligated to sleep together, because is like ‘Oh we are not going to see each other tomorrow, so let’s have sex now’ and that kind of takes away part of the magic and the spontaneity. I would say that I have more sex and better sex now that I live with my partner. Also, I have a bunch of sex toys – I am a sex writer – and for a while I was kind of keeping some things in my apartment and some things in his apartment and now that we live together I have my full toys box and I have all my stuff here and all the lube here, so that’s better!

I think that when you are living together sex becomes more passionate, it becomes more emotional, it becomes more of a bonding experience on an emotional level.

How can couples find the balance between routine things and sensual moments in a daily/weekly base?

Relationships are a lot of work doesn’t matter how much you love the person you are living with. They are a constant reevaluation of your priorities of your needs, of your desires, of what you want out of the relationship, what you might not be getting, what needs to be work on, and I think that when it comes to sex that’s another thing that you also have to be keeping up with. You have to be constantly re-evaluating what you want to try, what you want to do, if something is not working for you, if you wanna be having sex more or you want to have less sex, and you have to think about the other person emotional needs too, because having sex and a satisfactory sexual live is a basic human right.

Every person has the right to feel sexually satisfied and if you are in a monogamist relationship with the person you live with, they have an obligation and you have an obligation to meet the other person needs and it doesn’t mean to have sex with the other person all the time if you necessarily don’t want to, but it means compromising so you have to constantly re-evaluate that and not because you are living together and in a routine you should have just having sex missionary seven minutes every other day, just because it’s easy. You have to make sure that the other person is regularly engaged with you in a erotic level so that you can continuously have that emotional roots together.

Why do you think that couples end up living together? It’s mainly desire or money?

I wish I could say that couples don’t move in together for primarily monetary reasons but that is just the reality, because when you live in a city like New York City or Los Angeles or honestly anywhere and you are in a serious relationship with somebody and you are both living with roommates and paying separate rent and when you know very well that if you live in the same apartment together you could share a larger space and paying less money… well it’s very tempting for couples to move in together.

The problem with this is that couples move in together before they are ready to and that can cause serious tension because when you move in together you share bills together, you share responsibilities, so it’s really important that even though you might be very tempted to live with your partner because you hate living with roommates. You should move your primary focus out of the money aspect and the convenience and move it to actually wanting to have a successful relationship with someone you see a future with, instead of moving in with each other too quickly.

Thank you for your time and for the chat Gigi.
It was wonderful talking to you!

What are your thought about living together?
Leave them below!

Feel free to reach us at and connect with us on:

Twitter @desirefortwo
Facebook @desirefortwo

Marta P.
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